Alan Palmer has lived most of his 42 years with the support of what is now the North East Autism Society.
His life would not be the same without it. But neither would the charity be the same without the involvement of his remarkable parents – and other families like them.
Alan’s mum Val was so driven to get him the right care, she took on the role of trustee and honorary secretary of what was then called the Tyne and Wear Autistic Society.
She and other parents like her steered the charity as it expanded its school, opened a college and bought a string of adult residential homes.
Val had to juggle that with her full-time job as midwife and nurse practitioner, while her husband – Alan senior – gave up his job as a machinist with the National Coal Board to stay home and look after their children.
“It was a monumental effort,” says Val, of Choppington, Northumberland. “We were just parents and volunteers and we were making lots of big decisions. But we all had a vested interest in the place.
"The main thing is Alan is now living a wonderful life, doing things we could never have dreamed of. It’s been a saviour for him and has probably kept us together as a family."
The charity grew up alongside Alan. He was one of the early pupils at its Thornhill Park School in Sunderland, joining as a four-year-old in 1985. It opened its first residential home at Number 8 in 1997, and Alan moved in two years later.
He still lives there now, attending Adult Day Services at Number 24, and his family describe him as contented, secure and with a life rich in activities.
It’s something they couldn’t have imagined in his younger days. Alan was diagnosed as autistic at the age of two, and while he was a playful and loving toddler, he would also get frustrated and have angry outbursts.
“We couldn’t go anywhere as a family and it was a strain,” says Val. “When it was time for him to go to school, we didn’t know where he would fit. The schools we visited seemed scared of him.”
Luckily, she heard one of the Tyne and Wear Autistic Society’s founders Paul Shattock talking on the radio, and in desperation she wrote to him. Paul wrote back and invited them to visit Thornhill Park School. “The people there weren’t fazed by Alan,” Val recalls.
"They understood him and thought they could help him. Nobody had ever said that before."
Alan joined the school’s Carley Hill unit and boarded at the school from Mondays to Friday. Life became more manageable for the Palmers, and they could focus on Alan’s older sister Helen during the week.
“Alan’s teachers knew how to deal with him. They had strategies and were a step ahead. He learned some words, and loved it when they did music and singing,” Val says.
But when Alan became a teenager, his behaviour became more challenging. On one occasion he had such a meltdown in the family car that officials closed the Tyne Tunnel to other traffic to allow a Society minibus through to pick him up and take him back to school.
As a result, he became a 50-week boarder at Thornhill Park, and had a residential placement in Scotland during the Christmas break. The family would drive up to spend Christmas Day and his birthday with him but he would only let them stay 20 minutes at a time.
By the time he was 18, the Society had opened full-time residential homes and Alan moved in to Number 8. In his first six months there, the home registered 40-50 incidents – but that quickly tapered off to next to nothing after that.
His dad Alan says: “He is enjoying life and is very settled, doing things we never thought he would. He does cycling, five-a-side, cross-country running, gardening, climbing, trampolining, he goes to cafés, he goes to discos.
“One year they took him to Blackpool on a train, and he has also had holidays at Centre Parcs and Landsend.
"His sister Helen was determined to have him at her wedding, so two staff supported him to come and he thoroughly enjoyed the day. We finally felt we were all in a good place."
Tragically, Helen, a special needs teacher, died two years later. After that, Val stepped back further from the Society, though she was pleased to see it take on a chief executive and thrive.
Throughout the turbulence, the Palmers were grateful that Alan had stability in his life. He has known some of his current care workers for 20-30 years, and he has lived with one of his housemates since they were five-year-old boarders together at Carley Hill.
Alan is now able to come home for visits, which the family cherishes. Val says: “He makes us all a cup of tea, then listens to music and looks at slideshows of family photos on the computer. He gives his dad cuddles and they have a laugh and a joke on. It’s lovely.
"Looking back, he’s a completely different person to what he was. All these years, he’s probably been in the best places in the country that understand autism and can get so much out of him."
“We have always been so grateful that Alan has this placement. But I think he deserves it and that has been our driving force behind it all.”
